Archive for December, 2009
Baby Steps
Wow, have I really managed to go this long without posting? While I might say that I am surprised by this, I actually am not. I have not had the words to convey what is really on my heart. Over the past few months, I’ve learned a lot more about myself and about my family. The biggest thing that has come to light is that I am actually a private person. Between my chattiness, and the fact that I write multiple blogs, most people think that I am a very open person. But in reality, I am shy and private. With rare exception, I only let people see a small surface of what is actually going on in my life.
Lately, I’ve felt called to be more open about myself and my world. I’ve struggled with it greatly. I find that the people I admire the most are the ones who are willing to just put it all out there, admit that they are a mess, and be real about it. But I cannot seem to let myself do that. Today I’m going to try to take some baby steps toward being a little more open.
Step #1: Talk about what is going on with my boys.
And herein lies the reason why I haven’t posted. Late in the summer, we got confirmation of what I have suspected for some time. All three boys have some significant learning and developmental concerns. Last spring, a friend of mine recommended that I take the boys to see a doctor that she had been using with her son with great results. Since mid-summer, we have been going through a battery of tests on each one of the boys. In a way, it was more overwhelming for me than it was for them. I’ve seen the big picture of what these delays can mean; but to them, it’s just a chance to get more one-on-one playtime with an adult. I’ve worked hard to make sure that they feel this way about it. I don’t want them to feel as if they are any different from anyone else, or that they have issues that might give them an excuse not to try things that are difficult.
But when I face the difficulty of posting about it, I suddenly shut down. The mother in me wants to protect them for as long as I can. I don’t want to talk about the problems that they are facing and have anyone else judge them. But I realize that this is not going to make this issues go away, and it definitely is not going to get me any support in facing it. Still I find myself at a loss for words when I try to sit down and actually discuss it. I read blogs by my friends Trista at All About Austin or Ladonna at Brain Trains, and I wonder how they get through. Our issues are so much smaller, but yet I just can’t put myself out there.
So today, I took a moment to read their latest posts again, and it gave me a little strength to go on. Gio has been struggling with severe (way off the charts!) ADHD for some time now. Over the past three years, we have tried diet modifications with some success, but it was still not enough. Since mid-summer, he has been on four different drugs for ADHD. This was something that I said I would never do, but when he finally came up to me and asked if he could please have some medicine like his friend (son of the mom who referred us), I couldn’t tell him no. Each time, we think we have some success, then after a couple of months, we cannot see much difference. He is also really struggling with ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) and SPD (Sensory Perception Dysfunction).
Even as I write these terms, my heart breaks. I have always been so adamant that I did not want labels to define my children. They are the special beings that God created and He knew exactly what they would be. At the same time, I cannot ignore or dismiss that for some special beings, more attention and care is needed.
It is a little like plants, isn’t it. There are some things that grow with very little care or attention like the daffodils that I love. They are common and average. You put them in the ground and they just do their thing. They are there for a while, and then they come back the next year, never needing much attention and always doing exactly what you expect of them. Then there are plants like roses. Yes, you put them in the ground, and they grow, but they need a lot of attention to become the beautiful plants that they need to be. They are constantly needing pruning so that they do not go out of line, and you must wear gloves to protect from the thorns that they protect themselves with. So, I guess that perhaps my little darlings are a rose garden in it’s early stages.
Anyways, I digress. Gio is finally settling into his medication for ADHD and will be starting to see a play therapist at the end of the month. We are praying that together, we will be able to help him work through his frustrations and manage to keep a few of his “thorns” at bay.
At the same time that Gio was going through this testing, we had started to get help for Jacob. I had been concerned about his speech for a while. At 2 1/2, he still only had about 10 words, and most of them were unintelligible. Last spring, we started a new phonics program with Gio. This was when I really saw Jake bloom. The phonics program required use of a mirror to see how words were formed. As Jake saw us doing this, he suddenly started trying it too. In a matter of weeks, his vocabulary jumped to almost 50 words. When we had him tested, we found out that he had some significant patterning issues, but even more surprising was that he was over 13 months delayed developmentally. I had not even realized that there was anything else going on with him. He has been through several months of both speech and occupational therapy now. His speech is significantly more understandable, even by people outside of our immediate family. Since he turned three last month, his therapy has temporarily stopped. Services were rolled over to the school system who does not believe that his delays will cause him problems in school any longer, so we are having to transition to a different path for him. I still do not know what that path is going to be.
And then there is darling DJ, my little enigma. His testing has definitely come last and with the biggest surprises. He is so friendly and outgoing that no one besides me even considered that he had any issues. I’ve struggled since he was less than a year old to get doctors to see that something was wrong. It started with his Celiac disease. After the third doctor, they finally agreed to test him, only to find out that his sensitivity was so severe that he should never touch gluten again. Not that this goes over well in a family of Italian descent. 🙂 We stilll struggle on a daily basis to find something that he will eat. But this fall gave us some of the answers as to why. Along wth the celiac disease, DJ also has severe SPD. It reflected itself so differently from Gio’s that I didn’t recogniz it as the same disorder. They are on completely opposite sides of the spectrum, yet treatment is amazingly similar. Whereas Gio has no sensory input and is constantly seeking it, DJ has so much that it overwhelms him. Even something as simple as an egg cooked incorrectly sends him into complete overload. After two months of evaluations, we finally have a plan in place to help him at least a little bit. Yesterday, he finished his first therapy session. We are also having to do intense at home therapy which I struggle with. I know the therapy will be great for him, but I just keep forgetting to work it into the schedule. Each day gets a little better.
Step #2: Know when to take a break
This is a huge step for me. I don’t slow down for anything until I crash. I’m discovering that while I knew this was a bad thing while driving, that perhaps it’s not such a great thing in life either. We’re slowing down and taking it a little easier this next year. We are going to focus on simplicity and just doing one thing at a time. And so with that, I am going to take a break as well.
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Odyssey of a Lifetime 